1、我只为人民币服务，谢谢。
I just for the service, thank you.
2、我喜欢的人，都在硬盘里。
I like of the person, all in the hard disk.
3、人又不聪明，还学人家秃顶！
People don't clever, also learn bald!
4、走自己的路，让别人打车去吧！
Walk yourself's road, let others take a taxi.
5、姐从来不抄袭，但没说不复制。
Elder sister never copied, but didn't say don't copy.
6、傻与不傻，要看你会不会装傻。
Stupid and not dumb, should see you will be.
7、从天堂到地狱，哥只是路过人间。
From heaven to hell, elder brother just passing by.
8、将薪比薪想一下，算了，不想活了。
Think about it than will pay salary, calculate, don't want to live.
9、路漫漫其修远兮，不如我们去打的。
I see road, why don't we go to take a taxi.
10、众里寻他千百度，没病你就走两步。
He found thousands of baidu, you take two steps have no disease.
11、种草不让人去躺，不如改种仙人掌！
Grass don't let a person to lie, it is better to switch to a cactus!
12、泼出去的水，老子连盆子都不要了。
Pour out the water, Lao tze even basin all don't.
13、如果这都不算爱，那我宁愿卖白菜。
If this is not love, then I would rather sell cabbage.
14、穷耐克，富阿迪，流氓一身阿玛尼。
Poor Nike, adi rich, rogue armani.
15、晚上想想千条路，早上起来走原路。
Night think about one thousand road, go up in the morning.
16、天上不会掉馅饼，因为我们不相信。
Heaven will fall pie, because we don't believe it.
17、男人的实力，就是你兜里的人民币。
The strength of a man, is your pocket renminbi.
18、人家有的是背景，而我有的只是背影。
The others have their background, while the back there is only me.
19、老子不打你，你就不知道我文武双全。
Lao tze not hit you, you don't know my coursework in both.
20、自从得了精神病，我的精神就好多了！
Since the lunatic, my spirits revived.
21、千万别混日子，当心日子把你给混了。
Don't dawdle, be careful days give you mixed up.
22、不想叛师的徒弟，都是不成才的徒弟。
Don't want to be rebellious pision apprentice, apprentice is not to become a useful person.
23、烧香的不一定是和尚，还可能是熊猫！
Burn incense and may not necessarily be a monk, but also may be a panda!
24、您复杂的五官，掩饰不了您朴素的智商。
You complex facial features, not hide the simple IQ. You
25、人人都说我丑，其实我只是美得不明显。
Everyone said I ugly, in fact, I'm just beauty is not obvious.
26、没有女人的日子里，我以调戏男人为乐。
No woman, I to flirt man for fun.
27、照相是要抢时机的，刻意的永远不会好。
Photography is to take the timing, deliberately never good.
28、拍脑袋决策，拍胸脯保证，拍**走人。
Head decision-making, clap breast, suckers.
29、再丑的人也能结婚、再美的人也有单身。
Ugly man can marry again, again beautiful people also have a single.
30、有一种爱叫放手，手放开后，请你快走。
There is a love called to let go, let go, you go quickly.
31、别惹我，否则我会让你死得很有节奏感。
Don't mess with me, otherwise I'll let you die very have rhythm.
32、早上刚一起床，就有一股睡午觉的冲动。
As soon as the morning wake up, there is a take a nap.
33、每次临时抱佛脚的时候，佛总是给我一脚。
Every time to cram, always give me a foot.
34、您别看我长得像没头脑，其实我是不高兴。
You don't see I look like don't mind, actually I'm not happy.
35、人生就像卫生纸，没事的时候，尽量少扯！
Life is like toilet paper, nothing, as far as possible pull!
36、瞧你这长相，不用化妆就能去演**片了。
See you this appearance, you don't have to makeup for horror films.
37、如果回帖是一种美德，那我早就成为圣人了。
If the reply is a virtue, then I would have become a saint.
38、爱情就像个响屁，高调的开始，低调的结束。
Love is like a fart, the beginning of the high-profile, low-key.
39、抽，是一种生活艺术；找抽，是一种生活态度。
Smoking, it is a kind of living art; Looking for smoke, is a kind of attitude to life.
40、你还是让我跪搓板吧，跪电暖气是在受不了啊。
You still let me kneel washboard, kneeling electric heater is in can't stand it.
41、把你家的地址说出来，我要把它改成公共厕所。
Speak out your home address, I want to change it to a public toilet.
42、你就是我心中的那首忐忑，总是让我惊心动魄。
You are in my heart the first disturbing, always let me pretty impressive.
43、失败是成功她后妈，看见孩子老失败也不帮她！
Failure is the success of her stepmother, saw the child old failure is not to help her!
44、吃什么鱿鱼丝、墨鱼丝的，给我上点美人鱼丝。
What to eat squid, cuttlefish silk, give me some mermaid silk.
45、说了晚安去睡的人、往往半小时以后还在得瑟。
Say good night to go to bed, often half an hour later was still show off in an ostentatious manner.
46、就你这个样子，这个年龄，已经跌破发行价了。
Would you like this, the age, has been below the issue price.
47、我是你的风筝，线在你手上，可陪伴我的只有风。
I am your kite, line in your hand, can accompany me only wind.
48、如果我死了，我的第一句话是：终于不用怕鬼了。
If I die, I was the first thing: finally need not afraid of ghosts.
49、别打开礼物的缎带，最初充满期待，最后都腐败。
Don't open the gifts of ribbons, initial expectations, corruption in the end.
50、黑夜给了我一双黑色的眼睛，可我却用它来翻白眼。
The night gave me black eyes, but I use it to.
51、人家减肥减腰减**，为什么你非要从脑细胞开始。
The somebody else of waist and buttock reduction to reduce weight, why you have to start from the brain cells.
52、睡眠是一门艺术，谁也无法阻挡我追求艺术的脚步！
Sleep is an art, no one can stop my pursuit of artistic footsteps!
53、你太矮了！借你望远镜吧，再看清楚点，我不帅吗？
You are too short! Borrow your telescope, see clear point again, I'm not handsome?
54、我要做个下载软件，名字叫掩耳。因为迅雷不及掩耳。
I want to be a download software, called their ears. Because they go their ears.
55、人和猪的区别就是：猪一直是猪，而人有时却不是人！
And the pig difference is that: the pig is always pigs, and sometimes but not people!
56、上帝说要有光，我说我反对，于是，世界上有了黑暗。
God said, let there be light, I said I'm against, so there are the darkness in the world.
57、竟然有人我涂了蓝眼影，那简直是在侮辱我得黑眼圈！
Someone I painted the blue eye shadow, that are an insult to my black rim of the eye!
58、白加黑：白天踩一人，不瞌睡；晚上再踩一人，睡得香。
White and black: during the day on a person, not sleepy; Night on another person, sleep soundly.
59、当初我看上你，因为我脑子进水了，现在我脑子抖干了。
At the beginning I have a crush on you, because I have been thinking, shaking my head now dried up.
60、喝白酒一斤，我绝对没感觉，因为喝半斤就已经喝死了。
Drink white wine a catty, I absolutely no feeling, because have to drink half a catty died.
61、我特别困的时候，道德标准也没有醒，老师们要小心了。
I am very sleepy, no moral standards, teachers need to be careful.
62、雷锋做了好事不留名，但是每一件事情都记到日记里面。
Lei feng to do good is not named, but every thing into the diary.
63、我心眼儿有些小，但是不缺；我脾气很好，但不是没有！
I will be a little, but I don't lack; My temper is very good, but not without!
64、没用的东西，再便宜也不买；不爱的人，再寂寞也不依赖。
Cheap if not to buy useless things,; Don't love the people, again lonely also don't rely on.
65、先别鄙视我，给你个号码牌，先排队，到你的时候再鄙视。
Don't despise me, give you a number, first in line, to you again.
66、别再逼我，再逼，我就在地上划个圈圈咒诅你被丑女强吻！
Don't push me, then, I will draw a circle in the ground curse you be ugly strong lips!!!
67、我说这位壮士，你在我伤口上撒完盐，就别再尝尝咸淡了吧。
I say that the strong man, you are in my wound top sa salt, don't try recorded.
68、哪里跌倒，哪里爬起。老是在那里跌倒，我怀疑那里有个坑！
Where fall, climb up. Fall is always there, and I doubt there is a hole!
69、扔硬币，正面就去上网，反面就是睡觉，立起来就去写作业。
Throw a coin, positive is to get to the Internet, the other is sleep, stand up and go to write my homework.
70、岁月不饶人，首先饶不了女人；机会不等人，首先等不了男人。
Time and tide wait for no man, the first rao not woman; Opportunity and tide wait for no man, first of all, wait for no man.
71、作为一个吃货，吃东西并不代表我饿了，只是因为嘴巴寂寞了。
As a version, eating doesn't mean I'm hungry, just because the mouth to be lonely.